Avoiding unpleasantness. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. The Dalai Lama has probably done it, so we shouldn’t feel bad.
I’ve been avoiding this blog like a doctor’s appointment. I know I need to update it. I need to allude to Roxy’s passing in the “welcome” and the “meet the family” pages. I need to change the header image. It feels like I’m editing her out of my life.
What’s worse is Rico and I have had great experiences together. He continues to teach me lovely and powerful life lessons amost every day. I want to share them.
But I can’t shake the thought that I need to update Dog and Dojo first.
Roxy’s been gone for 61 days. I’ve flipped the days on my desk calendar and gotten rid of most of her old toys. But removing her picture and changing our story to reflect today’s reality … damn. That hurts.
Personifying doesn’t work
Avoiding something doesn’t make it go away. If someone ignored me the way I ignore unpleasantness, I would leave. I have better things to do.
But no. Not unpleasantness. It has all day and unlimited patience. Unpleasantness can sit a lifetime waiting for attention.
Ironically, my unpleasantness sits there like Roxy staring me down, a habit of hers that gave me lots of chances to practice mental focus and perseverance. Two things I really need to meet the blogging goal at hand.
Part of the legacy
Roxy owned the stare down game. Watch her work for an evening walk!
On that occasion I caved. We went for the walk. Who wouldn’t?
I practiced with her. I must continue to practice what she taught me without her. It’s the only real way I have to honor her life.
Epiphany: It’s all in the intention
So avoidance doesn’t help. Neither does staying focused on muscling through the pain. Because even now, the thought of actually making those changes to Dog and Dojo brings me to tears. Double damn.
Thankfully, a wonderful thought just popped in my head. I’m not editing her out of the blog. I’m editing to more accurately reflect her influence on our lives now. I’m also editing to honor Rico’s new role as my sole teacher. The (albeit unpleasant) task of editing stays the same, but a new intention feels like it dulls the pain a little.
Maybe the focus I learned from Roxy shouldn’t be directed on the task, but rather the intention. Maybe that’s the key to dealing with all of life’s unpleasantness.
I’ll let this absorb into my subconscious for a few days. If you notice a new header image with the next blog entry, you’ll know it’s helping.
Thanks for stopping by!